"Ah Moy, ngee yo kee swee?" (Hakka: Girl, how old are you?)
Taken a back, i replied: "Mmm hiao kong hakka wa...", in my attempt to speak the god-forsaken dialect. Again that toothy smile.
"Lei kei sui?" (Cantonese: How old are you?)
I just sat there and pretended to look outside. *rolling up my eyes*
Mum walked in and in her fluency sparred me the hassle:
"Sam cheong yow chu lor!" (Hakka: She's over 30!)
Mr. Tong: "Mao pak tor meh kee?" (Hakka: She's not dating anyone?)
Mum: "Mao yin oi ar!" (Hakka: No body's taking.)
Me: +______*""""""
Heck, it's gonna take the whole night to transcript all that cryptic hakka, so i'm just gonna write it out in English!!!
The point of this post is to show difference in perspectives and mindsets. *Grins*
Essentially, this Mr. Tong was saying:
Don't be so picky, chin cai find a partner and get married. After that, act like a "tigress" so that my partner won't go "play play with other women". In his own words: Man are all very flirty. So you must be very strict, kick up a big fuss if he is late for dinner, or hanging out with his friends. That way, we men know you are very garang. That will stop them from having dutch courage. That's how we are. If you don't put on a tight leash, we will be very bold. We will boast to our friends, hey, my wife is ok with me having fun. See, she doesn't even keep tabs on me. I can go have my share of jolly! And we will. The important thing is your husband must come home for dinner and sleep with you at night. If he does that, then everything else is ok. Remember that ah moy!
Oh LOL....are you serious??? That was the immediate thought. 5 seconds passed and it dawned on me: Matter of Perspective.
The way Mr. Tong sees it is, the couple should be Sole Mates. As in, you belong to me, i belong to you. That is all that matters. Oh, in other words, he's saying the wife has the exclusive rights to be F**ked by the husband and should demand it. Geesh! That sounds like a highly publicized recent law suit by a prominent ex-politician's daughter-in-law, who claims she has not had *any* from her husband for 10 years. Therefore, she's claiming RM400million. Root cause of all suffering, the right to "F" and the right to be "F'ed". Hilarious! XD
Hey, i'm not saying no to sex. I'm just saying, that should not be taken as the focus point. There is still the bigger picture to take care of. Other aspects in life. But that's another story.
The way i see it is: Soul Mates.
Life itself is a very long, lonely journey each and everyone has to walk alone. Regardless who or what you have or don't have, you still fight your own battles, surmount your own challenges, feel your own joy, suffer your own pain.
Sure, we find friendship. We have family. But it is rare to find a soul who some how is willing to see and hear beyond the "act" we put on for the different capacities we play in life. Ok, perhaps our mums are willing to do that. But to go one step further, having an open mind that understands and willingness to accept what we really mean behind the "acts"...hmm...rare indeed. When we find that, that's a Soul Mate.
Soul Mates don't have to exercise any "rights of possession". Soul mates simply co-exist.
They may not manifestly share the same interest. But they definitely share common values. That's the factor of attraction.
On top of that, i sincerely believe all relationships have their foundation in mutual respect, understanding, kindness and compassion. That means there's no room for "rights" & "privileges", "You should have's", "I expect you to's"...or bad manners.
Why on earth should there be any pretensions, suspicions, 24 hour surveillance? It's all too bothersome, too meaningless. I thought the whole point is to live happily ever after...not miserably ever after. Yes, it is miserable to live a life obsessed with one person and your exclusive...erm...rights.
Come on, a partner that needs a leash on is not a person worth investing your life in. By life i mean time. Time is precious, it goes and never comes back. Tell me it's not precious?!
Man, after that little reflection, i now realize why so many married couples look utterly miserable after the honey moon euphoria. They all came in with these funny perspectives, opinions that hey, mine is gonna be different. I will change him/her. We will show the world we are like peas in a pod, i know what he likes to eat, he will love what i cook for him. We will love and cherish each other in every single action. Crash!!!!
Reality check. No two persons are the same. No one can "change" any other person. In fact, for mental sanity sake, no one is recommended to take on that impossible task. Seriously. On top of that, human beings have a spectrum of thoughts and emotions which have an annoying tendency to fluctuate, resulting in inconsistent conduct. So, you want consistency...too bad, not gonna happen. 24hr loving? Not gonna happen. I mean, we all have lives to lead, not that your soul mate should not be a part of it. It's just that certain activities excludes their participation. But does that mean the green-eyed monster should rear its ugly head? Haha...you go figure.
Indeed, life is a lonely journey. Paradoxically, it promises lots. If and only if you allow yourself to open up every single pore in your being to absorb the experience, to give everything a shot. When we decide to do that, it may or may not exclude others' participation. When that happens, understand it's not an intended exclusion. It just so happens. It sucks, but that's the way things are. Deal with it. You'll be a happier person accepting the both sides of fact than bicker over it.
You see, we all are pretty ok getting along alone. But somewhere down the road, we bump into a Soul Mate. It may or may not be wise to decide to walk the remainder of the journey together. I don't know that as yet. Either way, just know that the journey promises many unexpected twist and turns, bumps and potholes, and sometimes, major crossroads. So, the question then is, what are you gonna do about it?
I'm hazarding a guess. Sole Mates will have showdowns. Soul Mates will slow down. Yeah, slow down and take in the experience.
So you see, the Soul Mate experience only has room for unconditional giving. Seriously. =)
